A Better Question: What to Say in the Holiday Season?

The winter holidays bring with them some of our most favorite traditions – caroling, neighborhood parties, baking sweets and roasting nuts. They also bring one of our least favorite traditions – the annual conversation about whether it is offensive to publicly celebrate Christmas (or any other holiday), or if efforts to secularize the winter holidays amounts to a “war on Christmas.”

The unfortunate outcome of public spectacles like the Starbucks cup saga is that the vitriolic outcry expands the scope of “possible offense” to include every interaction in a community – whether at school, in the grocery store, or around the dinner table. If you do wish someone a happy holiday, you run the risk of offending them by choosing the wrong one, or because they don’t they don’t celebrate a holiday at all. Not offering a holiday greeting too could offend. The problem is that this level of tension negates the possibility of a curious and open conversation about what this time of year means to different people and within different traditions.

As you plan to head home for the holidays, or as you plan your office party and try to decide on decorations, we offer some better questions for inviting genuine inquiry about others and understanding their experiences and their values.

• Share a story from your life that would help someone understand what the winter holidays mean to you. If you do not celebrate a specific winter holiday, share a story about the traditions you celebrate during the winter season that are meaningful to you.
• What do you hope to communicate when you express good wishes to others around the holidays? And what do you hear when someone expresses good wishes to you during this season?
• What kinds of celebrations and religious sentiments are appropriate for public spaces during the winter season and what remains complicated for you?
• Have you ever celebrated in someone else’s tradition? If so what was the experience like? If not, what tradition other than your own are you most curious about?

What do you do this time of year? Share your tips and questions.