An Introvert Finds Her Voice in Facilitation

 “So shy as to appear almost affect-less” read one of the more stinging evaluations of me in the rigorous assessment of my suitability for ministry in my early 20’s. My evaluator might have been a little prone to hyperbole, but this much was true: I was such a strong internal processer that I could be content being very present with a group of people without ever saying a word.

I had lots of opinions. Shyness wasn’t exactly the issue – it was just that all that was going on in my own mind was plenty entertaining. When I finally had a chance to speak people looked surprised, perhaps because they had forgotten I was there, or at least that I might have something to say.

It was an uphill battle to be seen as a leader with my introverted nature: an internal battle against my intrinsic preference not to say anything; an external battle to use enough words and repeat myself enough to be heard by those more loquaciously inclined.

The realization of my leadership potential meant learning to harness that same quality. To lead, I had to to carry the greatest gifts of introversion, including the inclination to listen deeply, to weigh one’s thoughts and feelings before speaking, and attending to how the words would be heard.

Learning to appreciate these inclinations as gifts created an obligation to offer them forth: to overcome my own contentedness with my own thoughts and realize that they ought to be shared, not for ego gratification but because someone else might find them useful – they might serve those to whom I was so carefully listening. Even if they weren’t yet fully formed, only provisional, or questions that were floating to the surface rather than proclamations.

Turns out, this was the perfect skillset for facilitation.

Facilitation at its best requires a presence that can hold a room – without sucking all the air out of it. A skilled facilitator invites others to speak their truths and honors them while offering questions and insight for the group’s deepening wisdom to emerge. 

At our best, we introverts can model what Public Conversations calls the “power of the pause,” and remind introverts, extroverts, and everyone in between that taking the time, space, and occasional silence to gather our thoughts is far from a sign of weakness or indecision. Rather, it opens up a space for people to change their minds and their hearts as a result of truly listening to one another.