A Synagogue Rebuilds Community Through Dialogue

After the October 7th attacks, no issue has driven greater polarization—or led more people to reach out to Essential Partners for help—than the Israel-Hamas War in Gaza. Since then, EP has supported hundreds of communities, faith institutions, campuses, companies, and secondary schools as they navigate these deep and deeply consequential divisions.

Jewish faith communities in the U.S. have been hit particularly hard. EP is fortunate to draw upon a wealth of experience and insight today, thanks to decades of work helping people in Jewish and interfaith contexts navigate challenging discussions of Israel-Palestine.

One member of EP’s Community of Practice recently shared their synagogue’s inspiring journey from the brink of irreparable damage to repair, connection, and hope—not by minimizing or compromising the different perspectives within their community, but through the power of Reflective Structured Dialogue. This is their testimonial.

“This is the first time that we have felt like a community since October 7th.”

Like so many synagogues and Jewish organizations, my synagogue has been torn apart by the events of October 7th and Israel’s response to them.

Members who staunchly supported the Israeli military response, as well as those who felt horrified by the scale of the violence, felt isolated and unsupported. Those whose perspectives landed somewhere between extremes felt afraid to speak about their views at all.

Eventually, our synagogue adopted a stance of empathy for Israelis, Palestinians, and all who are suffering as a result of the ongoing conflict.

This stance seemed the only possible option for our institution, given the huge divergence of views within the congregation. However, members across the board were unhappy with this non-stance stance. There was no basis for repair if we, the congregation's members, could not find empathy or understanding for one another.

So, with the support of synagogue leadership, I organized two dialogues with the express intention of helping people with differing viewpoints to hear one another anew, to deepen mutual understanding beyond the stereotypes and polarization, and to repair the human connections that this deep divide had so damaged.

I used the Essential Partners Guide to Dialogues About Israel and Palestine to design the dialogue and develop prompts. I deployed the training I received from Essential Partners to lead a Reflective Structured Dialogue where participants could share stories, encourage curiosity, and approach one another with tenderness.

Our rabbi grounded us in Jewish values while I provided some context for dialogue. We began with an exercise to build the skills of reflective listening, handling emotional triggers, and effective inquiry. People could come to one program or both. Here is some of the feedback we received:

“This is the first time that we have felt like a community since October 7th.”

“You created such a safe container for dialogue that helped everyone focus on safe sharing and connecting to values and peoples' pain and emotions—rather than it really being about political talk.”

“All the members I met were willing and eager to learn about other people's perspectives with respect and a deep desire to understand.”

“What really stood out for me as helpful were framing the discussion in terms of our Jewish identities and values, and learning strategies for discussing any difficult topic with receptivity and love.”

“It helped me with the healing of brokenness.”

“I can see how we can build emotional, ideological and accessible bridges throughout our entire community.”

“The community is capable of not just holding but respecting myriad values regarding Israel and Palestine.”

“I developed a growing understanding that, as alienated as I feel in the community around my opinions about Palestine and Israel, folks holding the extreme opposite opinions I do also feel alienated.”

“The tight structure of the groups, the guidelines, the agreements, and the timekeepers all made the program highly effective.”

“The triad structure and directed prompts made for a very efficient process and facilitated the discussion. I've never seen this kind of discussion style before and thought it was a terrific format.”

The dialogue programs at our synagogue were a resounding success. Members still hold very different perspectives, but those who disagree, even vehemently, have been able to maintain relationships. Those whose views fall between the extremes feel more able to share their perspectives. They see one another as members of a shared community once again.