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- United Nations Dialogue About Family Planning Services
United Nations Dialogue About Family Planning Services
In the lead-up to the 1994 United Nations International Conference on Population and Development, Essential Partners (EP), known then as the Public Conversations Project, facilitated three days of preparatory dialogues on policies that addressed the design, delivery, evaluation, and advocacy of family planning services internationally.
The intention of the meeting was to identify and examine areas of agreement and difference among the diverse sectors. Twenty-seven leaders and experts from the US delegation attended, all professionals whose areas of focus intersected with population policy, family planning services, or women's reproductive health.
The goal was to represent a range of expertise as well as a diverse array of ethnic and cultural backgrounds. They hoped to model and wrestle with the complicated issues that would be discussed during the upcoming UN Conference in Cairo.
Many hopes, one overarching fear
The first portion of the weekend was spent identifying and naming the hopes and fears participants entered with. All had made a significant commitment, and some a significant sacrifice, to attend.
Many of the concerns raised could be summarized by the phrase “polite, but insincere.” Would these leaders actually make themselves vulnerable enough, behind the armor of expertise and authority, to hear and understand differing views? Would there be any point of genuine connection that would allow greater understanding of their differences and agreements?
On the other hand, the participants also expressed an extraordinary range of hopes and goals. Among them were:
- To identify specific areas of dysfunctional communication and conflicting styles, so they no longer present obstacles to progress.
- To push at the edges of this vital, global conversation.
- To understand what language slams the door on collaboration.
- To exist in a creative tension, both across different views and within likeminded cohorts.
- To learn how we in the United States can work most effectively with developing countries.
- To develop more effective methods of addressing cultural and religious diversity.
The group named several intersecting complications, such as the dynamics of gender, class, and ethnicity; global migration; climate change and environmental factors; and the relationship of a population to its political leaders, population growth and carrying capacity, North vs South, the impact of poverty.
Over the course of the day, these leaders and experts began to see how their own life experiences and cultural contexts shaped the way they used their expertise and hindered their ability to talk substantively about real differences of views and values.
Several participants noted the unique generosity of spirit that EP’s dialogue approach created.
They were all more willing, they said, to stretch themselves for the sake of another view. They felt a sense of “reciprocity and equality among people with different views,” which helped build a new level of trust, and let them feel understood and heard for the first time.
“Every barrier that was there was completely broken,” said one participant. “It was like: ‘OK, what you're saying may be different, but there is no feeling of your being unequal’.”
One person remarked that he had pre-stereotyped some of the other participants and was surprised to find that he related to their positions, which were far less radical than he supposed.
"The humanness and goodness of those on the other side,” said one woman, “was more accessible.”
Lasting global impact
Weeks after the meeting, participants were asked to reflect on the ways their work with Essential Partners had reverberated in their professional lives.
Almost all of the attendees talked about the new depth of care with which they communicated views and goals, a deeper appreciation for the validity and earnestness of different views, as well as a new recognition of the importance of diverse perspectives.
One participant, for instance, said that he was now working to broaden the range of religious voices at the UN Conference, to ensure that the religious leadership exhibited the full array of views on family planning, population growth, and women’s rights.
“There is a new quality of interaction among the participants,” said another attendee, “I am carrying over the spirit of the dialogues by not looking for a confrontation, but rather, trying to recognize what other people are saying and to build more a comprehensive concept or program.”
One participant observed that they’re more inclined to ask for more background and context before making a decision. This allows them to create a space in which people can discuss, and perhaps find resolutions for their differences.
“I have become more analytical,” said another, “more tolerant of other points of view. I understand better that human beings are the result of the environment in which we have lived and the information we have gotten. When I saw that many people didn't think exactly like I do on different topics and learned why they think differently, I became more tolerant and less sure that what I say is always right."
Yet another participant explained, "It was an entry point into a new community of activism and leadership. I think I have a greater appreciation of why [population and reproductive health] has been so contentious. The dialogues have given me access to a whole new body of knowledge and experience and perspective that has enlarged me professionally and personally."
Related Impact Stories
Testimonials
Program ParticipantThe highlight for me was the interconnectedness of the participants’ views, mutual respect, and range of experiences within the group
Montana
Rebekah Shrestha, SVPEssential Partners has played a catalytic role in our ability to facilitate dialogue time and time again, and we could not have done this work without them.
Belfer Center for Innovation & Social Impact and Office of Strategic Planning, 92NY
Anjali Bal, Associate Professor of MarketingOne of the things that we talked about was the ability to hear another person’s point of view, even if our minds aren’t changed. We have to remember that any sort of movement is movement. If we don’t acknowledge small movement, then we just stay on two different sides, and it’s all black and white, and we don’t hear each other.
Babson College, MA
Peter Cooke, Immigration Dialogue ParticipantThere’s a real difference to people who are coming to meetings. They say, wow this is so different. They all said how people were more on the ball, more congenial. Now people see growing the economy as a way to unify the receiving community and immigrant communities.
New Hampshire
Nicki Glasser, Policy CoordinatorWhat surprised me was how much you could transform a relationship during a three-hour conversation.
Transformation Center, Massachusetts
Belle AbayaWhat is special about Essential Partners' approach is that it promotes authenticity, reduces defensiveness, increases curiosity, and boosts connectedness.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Undergraduate StudentI notice that my classmates take much more care when speaking about people who practice other religions. They make fewer assumptions, and they’re more careful with their words to make sure to avoid unintentional connotations.
Bridgewater College, Virginia
Belle AbayaTogether, we married our ideas to create a dialogue model that took into consideration our young people’s particular needs, and our culture.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Windor DorkoAs a former rebel, I really believe that if we had known about dialogue, perhaps we would not have had a civil war.
Liberia
Imam Sani IsahThrough this training, we will have more people in the stream of work that we do and become better equipped with the know-how, skills and techniques. But most important, together we will sow a seed that will germinate and become a source of the antidote to terrorism, fanaticism, bigotry and extremism.
Nigeria
Program ParticipantI did not anticipate having as many concrete takeaways as I do. I feel there is an immense practical application.
Janele Nelson, Mission DirectorIn these divisive times, Essential Partners has given my local YMCA and now the national YMCA a means to build bridges through dialogue, re-establishing foundations for constructive change to occur.
YMCA of Pierce & Kitsap Counties (WA)
Undergraduate StudentI notice that my classmates take much more care when speaking about people who practice other religions. They make fewer assumptions, and they’re more careful with their words to make sure to avoid unintentional connotations.
Bridgewater College, Virginia
Kate CellThe thing that always feels like magic to me—and I’ve used it in several meetings that I’ve had since—is how the practitioners start by setting out pacts or agreements.
Union of Concerned Scientists, Massachusetts
Matthew Sandikie, Project PartnerThis has been quite different from other discussions in Liberia about peace. While many processes have been about how to reform ex-combatants, this was about how we may hold our own views but live together peacefully.
Liberia
Program ParticipantThis is a different tool for engagement. It’s not about you, it’s about others. It involves the art of listening and sincerely talking from the heart
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria
Windor DorkoAs a former rebel, I really believe that if we had known about dialogue, perhaps we would not have had a civil war.
Liberia
Nicki Glasser, Policy CoordinatorWhat surprised me was how much you could transform a relationship during a three-hour conversation.
Transformation Center, Massachusetts
Louise O’Kane, Community Places[Essential Partners’] technique is used to explore contentious or divisive issues. So looking at renewable energy we thought this was an ideal opportunity to explore all the complexities of that issue. I found it a really useful method, and although this is the first time we’ve used it I am sure we’ll be using it again.
Northern Ireland, UK
Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen, and Bruce PattonWe owe a debt of gratitude to Laura Chasin and her collaborators at Essential Partners… From them, we have learned about the transformative power of telling one’s story and speaking to the heart of the matter.
Difficult Conversations
Romeo McCauley, Project PartnerI learned that I can build relationships, that I can be connected to anybody who I want to be connected to, no matter how difficult it is
Liberia
Etionette Nshirmirimana, Burundian Master TrainerI realized that by using the “dialogue” approach, people could talk of what is deep in their heart, especially things that have harmed them.
Burundi
Bob Bordone, Expert and AuthorEssential Partners does the best work in the field of dialogue and communication.
Harvard Negotiation & Mediation Clinical Program, Co-Founder
Program ParticipantThis is a new idea, so many people speaking from their hearts. People can come together...if people can understand, they can change their hearts; then this can bring about more change.
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria
Seth Karamage, MediatorI am amazed at what came out—the way people shared their stories. This is not like a role-play; it really touched me.
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria
Veronique Cavaillier, Director of Eastern Trade CouncilI think Essential Partners' training should be mandatory in every legislature. I think it should be a requirement.
The Council of State Governments
Misty Stoll, School Board TrusteeI ran for my local school board in 2018 and was elected. I use the skills in our meetings, whether I’m chairing the meeting or not. This makes the meetings much more productive. We don’t go over the same topics over and over again.
Wyoming
Bill Scott, Project DirectorThere was a remarkable change in the way we were able to communicate with one another following the facilitated conversations.
Massachusetts Department of Mental Health
Program ParticipantBefore, I thought all dialogue that does not culminate in solution was considered equivalent to failure. Now I see that dialogue is a stage complete in itself.
Burundi
Seth Karamage, MediatorI am amazed at what came out—the way people shared their stories. This is not like a role-play; it really touched me.
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria
Kate CellThe thing that always feels like magic to me—and I’ve used it in several meetings that I’ve had since—is how the practitioners start by setting out pacts or agreements.
Union of Concerned Scientists, Massachusetts
Andrew Wulf, PrincipalThe community dialogue was instrumental in helping us create a new policy around class rank. Though a controversial topic in the community, the dialogue EP helped us run ensured all voices were heard and valued. Regardless of how people felt with the final result, one parent summed it up best for us, ‘sometimes the process is more important than the outcome’.
Newburyport High School
Belle AbayaAuthentic conversations will lead people to reflect on their own thinking and transform their perspectives to include that of others.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Misty Stoll, School Board TrusteeThe Sheridan Community has changed in the best way since the Essential Partners training. The Center for a Vital Community has been holding monthly dialogues. I’m going to facilitate the upcoming one. What’s great is that we’re attracting a much more diverse group of participants. There are always the regulars who come, but now we’re also getting conservative Republicans to come as well—politicians come, even the Sheriff comes.
Wyoming
Bob Bordone, Expert and AuthorEssential Partners does the best work in the field of dialogue and communication.
Harvard Negotiation & Mediation Clinical Program, Co-Founder
Undergraduate StudentI have never heard people talk so openly about race, especially in a class setting. Everyone was respectful and honest at the same time. The dialogue structure helped me learn about my peers and helped me feel more comfortable than I ever have about discussing controversial issues.
Gordon College, Massachusetts
Linda Gryczan, MediatorInstead of demonizing and dehumanizing the other, we built a deeper connection. The fact that we disagree matters much less. It matters much more that we are neighbors in this community.
Montana Mediation Association
Belle AbayaAuthentic conversations will lead people to reflect on their own thinking and transform their perspectives to include that of others.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Program ParticipantI am now open to new views and can moderate my impulse to debate or persuade others of different views
Montana
Belle AbayaTogether, we married our ideas to create a dialogue model that took into consideration our young people’s particular needs, and our culture.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Program ParticipantI felt an amazing sense of accomplishment when the Essential Partners training ended; that I'd done something important for my community and something important for me.
Massachusetts
Program ParticipantI did not anticipate having as many concrete takeaways as I do. I feel there is an immense practical application.
Kim Davidson, OmbudsI’ve gained not only confidence but tools. The Essential Partners training was worth every penny.
Oberlin College, Ohio
Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen, and Bruce PattonWe owe a debt of gratitude to Laura Chasin and her collaborators at Essential Partners… From them, we have learned about the transformative power of telling one’s story and speaking to the heart of the matter.
Difficult Conversations
Imam Sani IsahThrough this training, we will have more people in the stream of work that we do and become better equipped with the know-how, skills and techniques. But most important, together we will sow a seed that will germinate and become a source of the antidote to terrorism, fanaticism, bigotry and extremism.
Nigeria
Kim Davidson, OmbudsI’ve gained not only confidence but tools. The Essential Partners training was worth every penny.
Oberlin College, Ohio
Dr. Shi-Jiuan WuEssential Partners is a world treasure, especially for having conversations on oppositional topics, which is very challenging.
Taiwan
Program ParticipantThis is the best adult learning experience I have had in the past five years. I wanted to learn new skills—I did!
Program ParticipantThis is a different tool for engagement. It’s not about you, it’s about others. It involves the art of listening and sincerely talking from the heart
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria
Cricket Fuller, The Christian Science MonitorThis wasn’t a policy debate [about guns]. Instead, two people whose backgrounds and views diverged in almost every way possible shared a moment of honesty that struck at the heart of the matter.
Boston, Massachusetts
Romeo McCauley, Project PartnerI learned that I can build relationships, that I can be connected to anybody who I want to be connected to, no matter how difficult it is
Liberia
Louise O’Kane, Community Places[Essential Partners’] technique is used to explore contentious or divisive issues. So looking at renewable energy we thought this was an ideal opportunity to explore all the complexities of that issue. I found it a really useful method, and although this is the first time we’ve used it I am sure we’ll be using it again.
Northern Ireland, UK
Belle AbayaWhat is special about Essential Partners' approach is that it promotes authenticity, reduces defensiveness, increases curiosity, and boosts connectedness.
The Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Philippines
Meirav Solomon ’20Dialogue not only teaches you how to interact and understand more deeply those around you, it also teaches you more about the world around you and yourself. I think dialogue is super important to my growth as a student, a global citizen and a human being. I have learned to listen, I have learned to speak out, I have learned how to access my stretch zone (where I feel uncomfortable speaking but not turned off) and I have learned where my limits are.
Cary Academy, NC
Program ParticipantI read this comment from the 14th Dalai Lama: "Every change of mind is first of all a change of heart.” It seems appropriate for what we are doing.
Bayview, Michigan
Program ParticipantThis is the best adult learning experience I have had in the past five years. I wanted to learn new skills—I did!
Etionette Nshirmirimana, Burundian Master TrainerI realized that by using the “dialogue” approach, people could talk of what is deep in their heart, especially things that have harmed them.
Burundi
Janet Harris, Winthrop Rockefeller InstituteThe learning we received from Essential Partners has helped us open up space for people to have difficult conversations in a different way. The more we do this, the more we realize that dialogue has to be a part of all our work.
Arkansas
Program ParticipantBefore, I thought all dialogue that does not culminate in solution was considered equivalent to failure. Now I see that dialogue is a stage complete in itself.
Burundi
Program ParticipantI felt an amazing sense of accomplishment when the Essential Partners training ended; that I'd done something important for my community and something important for me.
Massachusetts
Matthew Sandikie, Project PartnerThis has been quite different from other discussions in Liberia about peace. While many processes have been about how to reform ex-combatants, this was about how we may hold our own views but live together peacefully.
Liberia
Program ParticipantThis is a new idea, so many people speaking from their hearts. People can come together...if people can understand, they can change their hearts; then this can bring about more change.
Interfaith Mediation Centre, Nigeria